Getting started and finishing up...

So I have been tearing the house apart the last few days and trying to get things cleaned and organized. There is still so much to do but I am working on it slowly, but consistently. There is this heightened sense of stress, excitement, and total chaos in our house. None of us are on a normal sleeping schedule. The kids have started to really push boundaries. Mark and I are having fun spending time together but I don't know if we are focusing on the same things. Like I said, there is so much to do and I am sure a bunch of the stuff that needs to be done is stuff not even on my radar. I am trying to get up and clean and organize in twenty minute spurts but so far I haven't managed to accomplish much. I got the downstairs bathroom, vacuumed the living room and rolled up my rug, and got my dishes into soak. The motivation is there but my pain level is pretty high today and the more I do the more I hurt. Mark is out cleaning his car so it looks good for the person coming to look at it. When he gets back into the house, which will probably be a few hours, I am going to get started on the window sills upstairs and then close all the windows. That might suck tonight so I am debating between that and doing the fans instead. I don't know that me standing on a chair reaching up is a great idea today:). Other than that I need to touch up and finish organizing the bathrooms so they are easy to pack and easy to clean. I don't know what all we are going to take with us in our luggage but I do have the stuff I want in our 1000 pound shipment in my head so at least that part is figured out. I still need to empty our my big planters out front but those suckers are like sixty pounds when they aren't full of dirt so I think I will need help with that one. I also need to replant my aloe plants so I can take my pretty planters with me and give my friend some pretty plants. Trash comes Monday and I don't know how we are going to get all the rest of the "trash" out of the house. I have stuff set aside for people but if they don't start showing up soon I don't know what I am going to do with it. I still need to pull down the drapes in the kitchen and put the blinds back up. Fuck, every time I think of one thing I need to do I think of two more. I try to keep reminding myself to take it slow that we have plenty of time but really we don't. The movers come on the ninth. That is Thursday, it is Sunday afternoon now. AHHHH. On the other hand, there is so much that is coming to a close now. As I set things aside to get packed and throw things away I reflect on our experience here. Living here has reinforced my desire to travel overseas. Between the wonderful people and the astoundingly beautiful things I have seen here Japan will always have a place in my heart. Dammit I should have made the time to go to Korea for a weekend or Guam. There is still so much of this world I want to see. I can only hope I can find the right treatment plan that will let me. I am trying to take this move as philosophically as possible. This is my life right now but it doesn't mean it will always be this way. I don't know what Phoenix will bring but I face it with an open mind and a hopeful heart. I know that everything will get done because honestly Mark and I are the kind of people that always get it done. I know that things will happen as they will and the only thing I can do is respond to them as positively as possible. There is so much in my head right now and I know I am going to leave one set of worries for another. I still have to make a doctors appointment and that is definitely a source of anxiety for me. I wish I could do more for the people of this base that are suffering under the same lack of quality care that I am. Honestly that is just one more I wish of thousands that are running through my head. Today I am going to focus on doing what I can and trying to be proud of that. Tomorrow will bring it's own set of worries and rewards so I am going to keep my head down and focused on that. Like an alcoholic, one day at a time. I was going to end this there but I can't help but hate that I have to think that way.

I felt like I got a lot accomplished today but their is still so much to do!

So today I finished getting my van ready for sale because I had someone coming to look at it. Yeah, I called him and he found another car already, he just apparently didn't feel the need to let me know. Mark is going to clean out his car and we are going to get it listed for sale shortly as well. They come to move us out on the 9th and our final check out is the tenth. They are trying to say that they will bring us FMO furniture since ours is going to be gone but between trying to clean and everything else I think we are just going to get a hotel room offbase. I think it is pretty dumb that we can't just have a room at the Misawa Inn after our pack out but until our final out in housing they won't approve it. The guy I talked to that canceled our car savings account was supposed to be sending me a check for the amount in there and I was going to use that to pay off the remaining stuff left on Marks credit crap so we wouldn't have any problems getting our loan. Well I still haven't received it so I called them today and they haven't sent the check yet so they are going to wire it but they want to wait until the tenth. I was expecting that money to be here any day so that I could get everything finished but nope, again, something got screwed up. Ugh, I just wish I had more cash on hand to take care of everything. I am getting so frustrated. The movers are coming tomorrow to look at the house and estimate how long it will take to get everything packed up. I still have to make a doctors appointment which sucks because I really don't want to talk to her. Ugh, again. I am just pissy. Mark has to be up and out the door before five tomorrow for PT. Why the fuck is he even still working?? He is going to finish up our finance paperwork tomorrow but I have no idea when that money will come in either. I know we are supposed to get five days in TLF but since our final check out isn't until the 10th we can't move in until then and I would assume Marks perdiem doesn't start until them either. Dammit, basically nothing is going the way I want it to right now.

Okay today sucks but I am just gonna have to tough it out.

I have so much shit to do today! Unforunately, after a three day flare that kept me either in bed or on the couch I have to get it all done tonight. I did finally get my van floor mats steam cleaned and they are outside drying. I listed it and some of the other crap we came across while trying to organize on the yard sale. Hopefully that will generate at least a little bit of extra cash. Tonight I have to fold laundry, my least favorite and most painful chore, organize and clean both Alynna's room and my own, clean the kitchen, mop the floors, and vacumm everywhere. Honestly I still just want to go lay down with my heating pad. Mark is supposed to get our orders tonight so we can start scheduling everything. This morning Kojiki's new family came to pick her up. They are so nice and sweet and it feels good to know she will be loved and taken care of. I had to really struggle not to cry in front of the kids. After we got her to their car and got all of her stuff loaded Gavin didn't even make it to the porch before he was sobbing. It took everything I had not to join him. She is such a great dog and I am going to miss her so much! After I got Gavin inside and calmed down I went upstairs and balled my eyes out. I know I keep saying it but there is just so much to do and Mark is supposed to be at work until Thursday. I really need him here so he can help and we can get everything done but between work and trying to finish the display for the AF Ball I know he has as much on his plate as he can handle. We still haven't recieved the boxes we ordered for the speakers gift and they were ordered more than a month ago. I am also still waiting for the check to clear up everything on Mark's credit. We are getting close especially if we want to close quick with no problems with our loan. It doesn't help anything that it has been hot as hell all day. Looking back over this it is so scattered but that is pretty much how I feel. I can't get through an entire thought before I think of something else that needs to be done. I am gonna give myself another thirty minutes to sit on my ass before I get up and get started on the house. I think I am gonna start upstairs with the easier stuff so I don't wear myself out too fast. I know it is going to take a lot of drugs and I may not be able to do much tomorrow but I am gonna get all this shit done tonight...If it kills me :)

Today should have been a great day but...

Today I woke up early and full of promise. Then I actually sat up in bed and between my hips, shoulders, knees, and even my fucking elbows my day pretty much ended right there. I hate how this sneaks up on me. I have laid around with the kids watching movies and trying not to whine too much. I managed to sew a ripped pillow but other than that I have been, and will probably continue to be, useless. I look at my piled up laundry, the dishes in the sink, and my messy living room and I just want to cry. I really hate this. I can't say that enough. I FUCKING HATE THIS!!!!!! I don't want to have to wake up and get out of bed to determine how productive my day will be. Don't get me wrong, Mark is home which is great, I have had fun with the kids but dammit I have too much stuff to do to be sitting on my ass desperately wanting to lay down with my heating pad. I am still trying to organize my to do list. There is a lot to do before we leave. Today I had planned on taking my van to go and vacuum it out. I have already pulled out all the mats and was going to steam clean them. I don't know maybe if I lay down for awhile and take a few more pills I will get up with a second wind and be able to do some of this stuff. My plan for today was to pull stuff out of the closets and decide what to list on the yard sale, get my van cleaned out, get my laundry folded and put away, get Kojiki's stuff ready for her new home, make dinner, and get my kitchen cleaned. It is 4:45 so I am seriously doubting dinner but maybe the rest of it isn't out of the question after a nap. I just don't know, and I hate not knowing.

So much to do, so little time, so little information to work off of.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I have so much to do and everything is happening so fast! I am a little sore, lot sore to be honest, today but feeling motivated so hopefully I can get some stuff accomplished. I am cleaning my furniture covers and have my minion (my son) is vacuuming my sofa. I am going to try to get some laundry done and Alynna's room organized. I slept well, thank you Lyrica! I am still a little shaky and hurting but like I said I have high hopes for today.
There is so much to do and we still don't have our actual orders yet. We know when are leaving but until the orders are actually cut we can't get TMO to set a date for our pack out or housing to set a final inspection day. I talked to a woman today who is going to come look at the house on Tuesday to do the PCS cleaning but it is expensive and we still have to clean the carpet. Ultimately it is probably just easier than trying to do it myself or having people help me. I am going to organize Alynna's toys so when they are packed up it isn't total chaos when we get it in the states. Same with our bedroom. Gosh, it seems like so much to do the more I think about it the larger it looms. I am still waiting for a check to pay off the last few things on Mark's credit report so our loan is ready to go. They said two weeks, its been two weeks and nothing. We are also still waiting on the shadow boxes so Mark can make the gift for the speaker at the AF Ball. Just one more thing to check off the list. He is also still working on the electronic display as well so AHHH come on already, get done with work so I can make you do all the things I want done and watch you do them while bitching about you not doing them right. His last day is next Thursday but hopefully we get his orders either today or Monday so we can start scheduling everything. I love that everything is moving so fast but I am starting to realize how fast. We only have 15 days left in Japan. I am alternately so happy and so sad about that. I talked to the my old Mok crew today and hopefully we will be able to go out on the 11th. I am going to miss them all so much. One of the hardest things about quitting work was leaving them. I have met some of the most amazing people here and I am going to miss them desperately when I leave. Right now I am focused on all that needs to be done but I know at some point it is going to hit me that I am leaving all those wonderful people behind and some of them I will probably never see some of them again. I hope we can stay in touch but you know how it is when you move. You get involved in your own stuff, you don't see them or talk to them on the phone, and you fall out of contact. Part of my heart just broke even writing that. I know I need to stay on track and get some of this stuff done today but now I am sad and just want to gather up all my friends and hug them to me.

It is all starting to sink in and I have SO much to do!

Reality struck this morning and DAMN I have a lot to do! I am trying to sell off most of our winter stuff since we won't be needing it. I have made tentative plans to organize the kids toys so when the movers get her it doesn't all just get dumped into boxes I have to organize when we get to Luke. Depending on when our pack out date gets set for I am going to start packing what we are actually taking with us and what will be shipped in our smaller shipment. Honestly right now I am just making plans because the timing is still so uncertain but I see a lot of laundry in my future. I have sent out a message looking for someone to come help me clean the house for our out processing. I got the list of specifics today and it really isn't that bad, it just needs to be clean. The fridge, oven, bathtubs, and blinds are all gonna suck but the rest of it is kinda common sense stuff. Feeling oddly frantic because I woke up this morning and realized it was actually happening. Feeling a little sore, I think the weather is changing and between that and the stress of all that needs to be accomplished I am going to try to spend today just relaxing and organizing my game plan. We should know our pack out date soon and I don't care if I have to spend extra they are not moving FMO furniture in here for us to sleep on, I am going to the Misawa Inn. My meds are helping but I still have to make a doctors appointment before I leave and I am dreading it. I am really hoping I don't have to go all super bitch but I am going in prepared either way.

Excited but intimidated by all the changes.

So, even though it will sound melodramatic, I am standing at the edge of this yawning abyss. I am about to leave behind all the good and bad things that Misawa has and take a leap of faith that Arizona will be better. I keep psyching myself up saying, oh well, there is this thing and that thing, and it is gonna be great. In reality I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat thinking what if. In so many ways I am so happy about this. The first, obviously, is having access to a real doctor that might actually give a shit and help me. We are looking at houses and shouldn't have a problem with getting a loan and actually owning property for the first time in our lives. Of course that means additional worries like property taxes, broken water heaters, and how much does pool maintenance really cost? I am looking forward to being back in the states but I will miss Japan and all the wonderful people I have met here so much! It sounds like Mark's work situation will change for the better but there are no guarantees. All of this is happening so quickly yet somehow I feel like I am moving in slow motion. Mark has been so busy out processing while I have spent a lot of time on the couch or in bed. I keep trying to organize my thoughts and develop a good game plan but even though we are leaving very quickly there is still so much that is unknown that it is difficult to make plans that I know I can follow through on. My new medication is really helping. I am a lot less sore and achy but the tenderness and tension in my shoulders is worse now then it was with my previous medication. It makes me feel sluggish, like I am moving through water. I also think it effects my concentration because I find myself asking the same questions over and over again. I am still debating putting Gavin in school since he would only be there for about ten days before we pulled him out again. It would be nice to have him occupied with that so he doesn't get stressed about the move but at the same time he really is helpful. We should find out soon when TMO will be here to pack us out, and we are trying to decide the best day to do that. I am also trying to find someone who can do a PCS cleaning but since we don't know the days that has been difficult too. I know I have to see my doctor one more time to get a refill of a prescription and because she told me that she would give me medication that would help me travel. After the four days of misery I experienced and her absolute refusal to give me anything for relief I am not sure how that appointment is going to go. I do know that if she denies me any help I am going to demand to see her supervisor immediately and if necessary scream down the walls of that hospital until I get what I need. I am still so angry at her and I am really hoping it doesn't come to that. It is funny the more I have tried to be a polite and positive person the more I think people have tried to take advantage of me. Just because I choose not to be a bitch certainly doesn't mean I can't or that I am afraid to. Mark is irritated with me because he has so much on his plate right now and my sleeping schedule has not been very accommodating. We did have a really good discussion last night about our fears and trying to keep our relationship close and hold on tight to our sense of humor. It made me feel a lot better even though I don't think it was a conversation he wanted to have, especially at 3 in the morning. Even as I am sitting here writing this I am still trying to make a plan on how to go about everything. What are we getting rid of, what goes in our smaller shipment, what can I sell, when should I get my cars ready for sale and will they sell? Ugh, there is so much to do, so little time, and I am so overwhelmed by it all. I know it is a good thing but it just all seems so huge. I am going to go back upstairs and crawl into bed hoping that instead of laying there thinking of all the things I need to get done I can actually get some sleep.