Sunday, September 5, 2010

Getting started and finishing up...

So I have been tearing the house apart the last few days and trying to get things cleaned and organized. There is still so much to do but I am working on it slowly, but consistently. There is this heightened sense of stress, excitement, and total chaos in our house. None of us are on a normal sleeping schedule. The kids have started to really push boundaries. Mark and I are having fun spending time together but I don't know if we are focusing on the same things. Like I said, there is so much to do and I am sure a bunch of the stuff that needs to be done is stuff not even on my radar. I am trying to get up and clean and organize in twenty minute spurts but so far I haven't managed to accomplish much. I got the downstairs bathroom, vacuumed the living room and rolled up my rug, and got my dishes into soak. The motivation is there but my pain level is pretty high today and the more I do the more I hurt. Mark is out cleaning his car so it looks good for the person coming to look at it. When he gets back into the house, which will probably be a few hours, I am going to get started on the window sills upstairs and then close all the windows. That might suck tonight so I am debating between that and doing the fans instead. I don't know that me standing on a chair reaching up is a great idea today:). Other than that I need to touch up and finish organizing the bathrooms so they are easy to pack and easy to clean. I don't know what all we are going to take with us in our luggage but I do have the stuff I want in our 1000 pound shipment in my head so at least that part is figured out. I still need to empty our my big planters out front but those suckers are like sixty pounds when they aren't full of dirt so I think I will need help with that one. I also need to replant my aloe plants so I can take my pretty planters with me and give my friend some pretty plants. Trash comes Monday and I don't know how we are going to get all the rest of the "trash" out of the house. I have stuff set aside for people but if they don't start showing up soon I don't know what I am going to do with it. I still need to pull down the drapes in the kitchen and put the blinds back up. Fuck, every time I think of one thing I need to do I think of two more. I try to keep reminding myself to take it slow that we have plenty of time but really we don't. The movers come on the ninth. That is Thursday, it is Sunday afternoon now. AHHHH. On the other hand, there is so much that is coming to a close now. As I set things aside to get packed and throw things away I reflect on our experience here. Living here has reinforced my desire to travel overseas. Between the wonderful people and the astoundingly beautiful things I have seen here Japan will always have a place in my heart. Dammit I should have made the time to go to Korea for a weekend or Guam. There is still so much of this world I want to see. I can only hope I can find the right treatment plan that will let me. I am trying to take this move as philosophically as possible. This is my life right now but it doesn't mean it will always be this way. I don't know what Phoenix will bring but I face it with an open mind and a hopeful heart. I know that everything will get done because honestly Mark and I are the kind of people that always get it done. I know that things will happen as they will and the only thing I can do is respond to them as positively as possible. There is so much in my head right now and I know I am going to leave one set of worries for another. I still have to make a doctors appointment and that is definitely a source of anxiety for me. I wish I could do more for the people of this base that are suffering under the same lack of quality care that I am. Honestly that is just one more I wish of thousands that are running through my head. Today I am going to focus on doing what I can and trying to be proud of that. Tomorrow will bring it's own set of worries and rewards so I am going to keep my head down and focused on that. Like an alcoholic, one day at a time. I was going to end this there but I can't help but hate that I have to think that way.

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