Monday, August 9, 2010
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...Pissed at the world in general.
UGH! Mark is walking around pissed at the world and I can't say I blame him much. The house has been 90 degrees inside for the last few days and even after some very inventive, and expensive, explorations there is nothing we can do to cool this damn house down. I feel like total shit. My body is aching like crazy and it feels like there is a ton of bricks on my shoulders. I don't know if it is the decrease in meds, the weather, overdoing it, or what but regardless I am feeling pretty miserable and probably not the most fun person to be around. I honestly think that we are running to much electrical crap through our house because our stupid sling box doesn't work, only one of our tv's actually gets AFN, and we have had computer problems on and off for the last few days. I see my therapist on Wednesday and I think I have kind of regressed. I don't know if I have the patience to be resigned anymore. I am just sick of all of this shit. The unbelievable heat in the house, the fantastic medical care I have received, and the fact that two months later we are still waiting on fucking orders. AHHHH...Can something just fucking go right please? I have so many thoughts and worries outside of what we are dealing with currently. Where are we going? When are we moving? Is it Kadena or another overseas base or is it in the states? If it is in the states will I actually be able to purchase a house? What is my son's and soon to be my daughter's next school going to be like? Am I going to find doctors that can actually help me and answer my questions? I am ever going to get answers to any of these questions, and more intimidating,will I be happy with them? I know that things will come as they will and Mark is working as hard as he can to fix everything for everyone. That is probably part of why he is so pissed off. There is no fixing me, there is no way to get better medical care here, there is no way to cool off the house, and he is still struggling to find a way to find out where we are going and when. I think he is getting really angry at the Air Force and Misawa specifically. Thirteen years in the service and this is how we are living. We were joking and referring to our house as indentured servants quarters. I can't even discuss my doctors visits with him because as far as he is concerned he has seen enough of the way things are ran at that hospital to want to file some kind of complaint against them. The kids are driving Mark nuts when he is home. Alynna has started that adorable game---read sarcasm here---where she repeats whatever you say three hundred times. She has been doing really well potty training but she won't poop in the potty. She fell asleep on the bench at the dinner table with no underwear on, wakes up and says she has to go potty. Mark walks into the kitchen and she had crapped on the bench. I don't know if she did it in her sleep or if she just really doesn't want to do it in the potty. Funny as hell but at the same time...GRRR...Gavin doesn't know if he is coming or going. Mark and I have been so pissy that he probably feels like he is walking through a mine field when he has to talk to either of us. Also, all he knows is the rumors he has heard us say and that is what he is repeating. Only difference is he is repeating them as though they were fact. First he was excited about going to Vegas or Luke because we might be able to have a pool. Translated...He says to people we are gonna have a pool at our next house. Now that he has heard us discussing Kadena he is talking about how the weather at our next house will probably help my pain. I don't know what the fuck to do. I know the real answer is just to sit back and wait but that answer sucks.