So we were supposed to get orders on Friday but that didn't happen, color me surprised. I am still pretty much feeling the same as my last post. Resigned. I will continue to just try and be patient until we have something solid to move on and then I will have something to focus on. We may be able to go to Kadena in Okinawa and I am really excited by that possibility. Either way there are positives. If we go back to the states I can buy a house. If we go to Kadena I already know the language (mostly :)), Gavin will be in a good school in a safe neighborhood, we will have A/C (hallafreakinglua), and I can save some more money with COLA. Also if we go to Kadena my stateside vehicle will be completely paid off with low miles and in good condition.
Overall it has almost been liberating to relinquish control for awhile. Usually I am the one trying to stay on top of everything but right now I am just along for the ride and for right now I am okay with that.
On the negative side I got into a huge argument with someone I love recently and she said some hurtful things that made me doubt myself much the way Dr. Bowes comments did. I am trying really hard to remember that I can only examine my own feelings and control my own responses to others actions but sometimes it is hard not to wade in and try to make them see your side. I want to have healthy relationships with my friends and every now and then when one of them is acting in a way that hurts me I have no choice but to distance myself from their painful actions. I realize that they are not doing what they are doing to hurt me but they are making their own choices based on their personal situations and sometimes their own frustrations.
I can only be who I am and I am trying to make peace with that. Sometimes I am able to get up and around and do things around the house or with my kids. Other days I swallow a lot of pills and spend most of my day on the couch. Life brings what it will and all I can do is hope for the best, make the most of what I can, and accept it when my body won't allow me to do anything. I am still hurting but between switching meds and hopefully getting a wheelchair soon maybe I can go out and do a little more. Japan is so beautiful and I hate that I feel like I am missing out on experiencing it because of the limitations of my body.