Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Been awhile but nothings really changed

So it's been awhile since I have posted but honestly I have just felt like total shit and nothing else has really changed. I can't get a call back from my doctor to see if my Lyrica is in yet and we still don't have orders. Weaning off my meds has been really hard. I feel like I am wearing around a 40 pound vest that is just dragging on my back, hips, and shoulders. I can't sleep for shit but I can't seem to get out of bed or off the couch either. I cancelled my appointment with my therapist this morning. I feel like crap and I am still holding out hope that my doctor will call me back. My house is a total pit. By that I mean TOTAL pit! Everything needs to be done but I just don't have the energy to do it. I don't feel like I have energy to do anything. Mark has been gone to a AF Ball committee meeting since around 10:30. I am glad he is involved but damn I wish he could just stay home for a few days. We got our grocery shopping and Gavin's school supplies this weekend but honestly it wiped me out to where I couldn't do anything else so I ended up in bed. I stayed there most of Saturday night and Sunday morning. Don't get me wrong, I don't actually get any sleep, I just don't have the energy to get out of bed. Honestly I am feeling a little sorry for myself. This sucks. I have a girlfriend leaving really soon that I don't know if I am gonna get to see again, and another whose husband is coming home soon and her parents are flying in. They are gonna take her kids to Disney but she has been running non-stop for several months now and I really wish I could help her in some way. My mom and I haven't talked in awhile. I did get a chance to have a long conversation with a great girl I went to school with. She is so wonderful and positive even though she is facing her own struggles. I love her positive attitude and talking to her was wonderful! The heat has returned to Misawa with a vengeance but there is all this pressure in the air like it could rain at any second. I know the weather is contributing to my misery. That sounded so self-centered. My life could be worse in so many ways but I just have a really hard time remembering that sometimes. My kids have been in the middle of some sort of sibling battle royalle and have both been testing the limits of my sanity. My son is doing things on principle and Alynna just thinks he's being a dick. I kinda agree with both of them. Gavin is getting ready for school but I don't think that it has quite kicked in that his summer freedom is about to end. We are all covered in bug bites and that is just adding to our irritation. Ugh, in general I feel like shit, my house is a mess, my kids are debating killing each other, we still don't have orders, and I just want to pull the covers over my head and hide.

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