Fuck it. Things suck but I love my life anyway

So basically I don't give a shit. Things are going to happen as they will and nothing I do or whine about is going to make one single goddamn difference. It is what it is right? My body hurts but that is what it is too. We are waiting for orders but they will come when they come and they will send us wherever they want to. I am so fortunate that I am married to a man that loves me and is willing to role with the punches. Even when my crap is what is punching him. Our children are beautiful and surprisingly well adjusted for kids that have so much to deal with. I am trying, and it is against my nature, just to shut the fuck up and let things happen as they will. It isn't like anything I have done up to this point has changed anything. I am no longer sad or depressed but I am resigned. Resigned is not necessarily positive but I am trying not to be negative anymore. It isn't easy, I think I am still walking that fine line between depression and optimism. Optimism seems a lot harder to grasp and depression seems like a lot easier to sink into. Right now I am resisting but every now and then I feel that sinking sensation.