Monday, July 12, 2010

Today, another sleepless night

So I have been in pretty severe pain the last few days and spent a fair amount of that time in bed. Because of the time difference we won't hear anything back about our orders until tomorrow but I am holding out hope that we will have an answer soon. I just brought out all the laundry that still needs to be folded, roughly five loads and cleaned out our lint trap. Now I am shaking, sweating, and exhausted. I think part of it was carrying the laundry, and part of it was just standing there cleaning the lint trap. That is right, that's all I did and I am aching like crazy. Every now and then I just think WTF? This shit isn't fair. I think for the most part I have been a good person. I donated money to Katrina and Haiti. I welcome our neighbors and invite them to stop by if they need anything. I help those that I can. I welcome everyone new to Japan with information and usually my number so they can call me if they have any questions. Why is this happening to me? I am not even 30 yet. Why is my body so broken? What could I have possibly done to deserve this? I know none of the answers to these questions really matter. I am trying to focus on the positive. I have a terrific husband and wonderfully normal children. I am still alive, this isn't terminal. Sometimes it is really hard to be grateful for all I have and not focus on how miserable I feel. I can't say it enough...This isn't me, I am not this person. I am going to lay down for a bit and try to get this under control and then I an either going to try to do dishes or fold this mountain of laundry. It hasn't been the best day but I am desperately holding onto the hope that tomorrow will be better.

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